Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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