i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
3 2 1 whiskey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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