what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
