Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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