He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
