He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need a shit load of segways right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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