the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
