I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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