You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
