my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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