ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
