how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
