i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
