Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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