My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
