Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
