Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
