some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
