And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
