worst night to have a conscience
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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