I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
