Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
