Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
