y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize