does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The power of my boobs compel you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
