then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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