He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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