i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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