he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
