Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
