I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
