If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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