we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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