I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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