so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize