So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This girl is more easily done than said...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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