I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A+ Viking dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
