it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
PANTIES FOUND
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
