You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
