I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
