she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
