Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
