Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
