If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
