You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
