all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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