I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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