i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
