we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
