I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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