Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
