Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
