just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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