oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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