Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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