8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
