My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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