come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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