I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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